Family Issues Archives Picture Family Issues
Archives

It's Back to School Time
By Nancy Miller, Ph.D.

Ready or not, the school year is starting again. Another one of those transition times for your child - even if your child is going back to the same school and is with the same teacher. Consider some of the transitions your child may have to deal with (I'll get to you, Mom and Dad, later):

WHEW! These are changes ALL children experience at the beginning of each school year. If you can remember back to your childhood, this list may bring back some emotional memories of looking around for something or someone familiar; of not being sure when it was okay to go to the bathroom.

Your child will have reactions, too, and depending on his or her special needs, some of the reactions may create feelings of anxiety, fear, or confusion for your child. If your child can't express his feelings, you may have to guess what it might be like for him. It's a good idea to talk your child through the first week or so of school... For instance, if you walk or drive your child to school, to point out the markers along the way - to help your child predict, and become familiar, and feel safe with the transition from home to school. If you walk or push or carry (not over 25 pounds, I hope!) your child into school, you can talk your child's way through the door, down the hallway, into the room... your soothing voice, the repetition, and your conveying a sense that this is where he or she belongs, can help your child make the transition into the school and classroom easier.

Even if your child can't communicate her reactions to the environment, she is still aware that there are changes. When you describe what's the same, and what's different, and do it several times, it becomes a routine, and a little ritual between you. It can also help you to be soothed, knowing that you are soothing your child's transition!

What about this transition time for parents? If you're going back to your child's same school, a lot of the terrain will be familiar, as well as the staff. If there are new teachers, or therapists, or aides, you're bound to wonder if they will pay enough attention to your child's special needs. There's a lot of trust that you have to have to turn your child over to other people! And when you don't know them, it's even harder.

Your child may be going into a new classroom or school, and that is a terrifying experience for parents! Did you make the right choice? You look around at the other kids: some seem too high functioning, others too low... how will they influence your child. Will they hold your child back, or make your child feel left behind? Will any of the kids be too aggressive and hurt your child, or will some child demand so much of the staff’s attention that your child will get short-changed?

If your child is going into a special education setting, where all or most of the kids have disabilities, you're likely to have some feelings about that. A new reminder. Grateful that special programs exist, sad that your child needs to be there, but glad your child can take advantage of it.

You might wonder who the other parents are. What are the school's expectations for the parents? Whether your child is in early intervention, or high school, or somewhere in between, there are other parents who are having the same reactions as you. Is there a support group? A newsletter? Any meetings that give you a chance to meet other parents? If not, can you help organize something? Having parents meet each other is so supportive - you can find out about resources, maybe even car pool, or trade baby sitting. And you know that other parents know what you're going through, and what some of the challenges and struggles are.

You may be meeting your child's teacher for the first time. The teacher may be new to the school, or a veteran. Your first impression might be very positive, or guarded, or not-sure-at-all that she is the right kind of teacher your child should have. You may feel welcomed to come in and help, or be encouraged to stay away. You and your child's teacher need to build your sense of partnership in knowing and teaching your child. It may take time; it may work instantly.

You may be very disappointed about the physical set up. It may be an old building, or classroom, or the playground is all concrete. This is sometimes hard for new parents, coming from a more protective early intervention program, or a smaller preschool, to a huge impersonal building that feels unfriendly and impersonal. Well, don't let the physical building fool you: focus on your child's environment within the bigger building. That will be your child's world, and you need to feel it is clean, cheerful, and safe.

If your child is just beginning a program, or is moving into a longer-day program than before, you are going to have to transition to being away from your child for more time! That can be a major challenge for parents, especially if you have spent most of your time with your child. Think of this time as YOURS, whether you go to work, or to the gym, or home to take a nap or to take care of your other kids. This is a time of separating that is a new step in your living and growing with your child. Your child is separating from you one step, one school year at a time. It can be a scary time when your child has special needs, because of your worries about what your child needs in order to be the best that she can be. Your letting go of your child for a few hours every day is important for your child's growth and for yours. Enjoy!

 

Welcome | Editor's Note | Success Stories | Horror Stories | Family Issues | Legal Files | Information Avenue | Disorder Zone | Archives | Diagnosis Search | Tips | Bulletin Board | Marketplace | Parent-Matching Program | Suggestion Box | Guestbook | Sponsors | Donations | Featured Special Child | Home

Copyright © 1997-2000, The Resource Foundation for Children with Challenges. All rights reserved.
By using Special Child and related services, you agree to abide by the terms and conditions.