Family Issues Archives

A Dozen Reminders About Childhood
By Nancy Miller, Ph.D.

Sometimes, as parents, we get so caught up in our child's "special" needs, that it's easy to forget about some of their "typical" needs. And many times, we're not too sure if a specific behavior, or a problem, is because of a child's disability - or just because he or she is a child! Here's a list of some of the common things we often forget to remember about all our kids - whether they have "special" needs or "just" the typical needs of all kids:

1. Kids need "free" time that is all their own to do whatever they want with it.

2. Kids may complain that they're bored. It's okay for kids to be bored sometimes.

3. Kids need some space that is their own. And to have that space respected.

4. Kids will regress and have bad days, and grumpy days, and sad days, and tired days, and not-hungry days. (Just like grownups!) Days that look like "slipping back" are often just a resting spot.

5. Kids will show bursts of learning, suddenly doing many new things, and you think it's going to go on forever like that... and then...

6. Kids pass through plateaus, when you think they've stopped learning, and then you start to be afraid they'll never make progress again.

7. Kids need to know that they don't always get everything they want, and that there are rules they don't like, and that sometimes they will feel frustrated, and disappointed, and even angry, but life is like that sometimes.

8. Kids need to test limits and they will use whatever works. Stubbornness in toilet training, and eating problems, and bedtime problems are sure-fire limit testers.

9. Kids have lots of different kinds of feelings and need to know that feelings are okay. They need to find appropriate ways to express them and sometimes we have to help them do that.

10. Kids are messy, sloppy, and clumsy. They spill things, forget things, lose things. They whine, they argue, they complain. They get angry, scared, and sad.

11. Kids feel small and vulnerable much of the time and their feelings are hurt very easily. They need to hear us and see us treat them with respect, and fairness, and pride, and joy.

12. Kids are a lot of fun, and that's got nothing whatsoever to do with having a disability.

 

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